Living in the now and not yet; combining disability and faith

The theme of my daily devotional this morning was on Praying with Conviction. One of its passages to reflect on was written by Max Lucado.

How vital that we pray, armed with the knowledge that God is in heaven. Pray with any lesser conviction and your prayers are timid, shallow and hollow. But spend some time in the workshop of the heavens, seeing what God has done and watch how your prayers are energized.

There is a tension that comes about from living with  disability and exercising faith. This is my 4th summer of living with disability. While there has been some impressive recovery during this time; progress has been slow.

I keep surprising myself as I learn more and more about what I can and can’t do. I still have problems memorising lists and my energy levels have not increased much over this time. The hot weather is proving to be very draining and I am constantly tired. I find if I have a big day one day; I need to take it easy for the next day or so to recover.

There are times when I shake. The shaking comes about from the body not being able to naturally lose the tension that comes from the muscles contracting and expanding from repetitive actions. So I have learnt to avoid doing those actions when ever possible.

Yesterday I took my sons to the skate park and had a go on a scooter. I found that my sense of balance has improved a little and that I could go around in circles in a left direction. However; trying to go in a large circle, turning in a right direction was a freaky experience and one that left me shaking. Most likely it was because in turning left I could still keep some level of control with my left foot, which I wasn’t able to do in going around the other direction.

I find a tension is at work in my prayer life. I know God is for me and not against me. I know he is in heaven above. I know he can heal me. I know he can heal others and I am active in praying for the healing of others. And yet at the same time I find there are times I fear to ask God to bring further healing to me.

There are times when I pray and have no sense of God hearing my prayers. There are times when I pray and my mind is filled with doubt and fear. And so I tell the Lord about those doubts and fears; and ask him to take my unbelief away from me.  This morning was one of those times.

I reflected on my lack of faith and how I was often filled with doubt and fears..and I also reflected on a prayer I read yesterday in an Anglican Prayer book about being able to serve God with a quiet mind… and so this morning my prayer was…

Lord heal me, empower me, deliver me, help me to walk, think, act as you would have me in quietness of mind. Lord I also lift up to you those I am praying for to be healed, empowered, delivered, and to walk, think, act as you would have them in quietness of mind.

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About Craig Benno

I'm an average aussie guy who has lived perhaps a not so average life.
This entry was posted in My Journey, pastoring, Personal reflection and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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