There is something incredibly beautiful and dignifying about the potential of a wholesome humanity. And there is nothing as ugly and soul destroying as when we lose our dignity and self worth.
Between the age of 17 and 30 I was a drunk. I had to drink. I could never stop at one. There were a number of reasons for my drinking; a lot had to do with self worth. A lot of it had to do with the deep sense of loneliness and isolation that pervaded me deep within – and that was counteracted with the comradeship down the pub.
The first few drinks would always settle my fears, allay my doubts, and give me dutch courage to be the first up on the dance floor, inviting a variety of girls to come and dance with me.
But by the end of the night I would be passed out in my own vomit. Or I would be scarred, bleeding, and angrily destructive having hurt myself, another person or been hurt through a fight of some description. One of my jobs involved my opening up the gates and buildings; and a number of times I was found hanging on the gate, passed out, or fumbling for the keys to open the lock. Another time I remember getting into the back seat of a car to come home, woke up with the urge to vomit, opened the car door to do so. I thought we were still in the RSL car park – but I had passed out, and instead we were going down a freeway doing 110kms an hour.
One one rare occasion I was the designated driver, and that night I didn’t drink. But the group of peeps I was with were doing so with vigor. One guy opened the back window, stuck his head out and vomited down the side of the car. The front passenger did the same, and the guy in the back said..”Hey, its starting to rain out here!”
And yet despite the headaches, feeling crap all the time, the promises to self to give up and not drink again – I could never break the cycle of self abuse that drinking caused me. Untill….
On the 9th of March, 1997 I was sitting in the back of St Mark’s Anglican Church, in Picton, NSW. I encountered God. His presence came over me with this incredible sense of experiencing God’s love, and I knew that Jesus was real, and that my sins were forgiven. And for the 1st time in 13 years, the thirst for alcohol was taken from me. It was gone.
Instead of having a thirst for what was causing me destruction; I was filled with a thirst for the things of God. And slowly God started filling me with a sense of dignity, worth, and a wholesomeness for life.