Shooting straight. lets talk about sex.

Yesterday I posted about being a bookworm, and said that I am guilty of having read the odd romance or two. The truth is I am a softy. I love what is commonly known as chick flicks. In fact, my wife was initially attracted to me, because I had written that I liked the Note Book on my Face Book profile.  Some of my other favourite chick movies are: Never Been Kissed By a Guy, How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days and 50 First Dates.

Someone commented on my Facebook page that perhaps it was 50 Shades of Grey that I had read. I had to say no, it wasn’t. The truth be told, up until this point in time, I had never heard of it – yet alone read it. Okay, okay, yes – I can hear the comments, “Where has this guy been?” Sad smile

However, I spoke to Joanne my wife about it last night, and she filled me in that all the guys at work are reading it. That she is seeing guys who don’t read much, pick it up and it read it through within a few days. She also said that they are talking about it – and that the talk isn’t always healthy. So I decided to look into it a bit more… and I didn’t really like what I found.

Even more disturbing, I go through my blog reading list this morning, and find the internet is ablaze about this book within Christian circles. What is causing the uproar, is not the book its-self; instead its about a blog post on the Gospel Coalitions website by Jared Wilson. 

He quotes Doug Wilson, who by the way is an advocate for slavery and not against it… but I stray…

A final aspect of rape that should be briefly mentioned is perhaps closer to home. Because we have forgotten the biblical concepts of true authority and submission, or more accurately, have rebelled against them, we have created a climate in which caricatures of authority and submission intrude upon our lives with violence.

When we quarrel with the way the world is, we find that the world has ways of getting back at us. In other words, however we try, the sexual act cannot be made into an egalitarian pleasuring party. A man penetrates, conquers, colonizes, plants. A woman receives, surrenders, accepts. This is of course offensive to all egalitarians, and so our culture has rebelled against the concept of authority and submission in marriage. This means that we have sought to suppress the concepts of authority and submission as they relate to the marriage bed.

This quote is really dangerous. It actually reflects the nature of the book 50 Shades of Grey. I can accept that within a literal framework that its true, men have penis’s and women don’t. Therefore only a man can really penetrate in the act of sex…but the whole issue of the sex act being within a subjugation and submission framework of the man domineering the woman, is frankly sickening.  You can read more about this Evans, Watts, Rod, Burleson, LePort, McKnight.

God has created man and women as equals. We equally sin and God equally loves us through Christ. Scripture tells us that in Christ, there is no male or female, slave or free, Jew or gentile, rather that all are one in Christ. Therefore if both the husband and wife are in Christ, they are equals in stature and function. And within this ethos, sex is to be mutually enjoyed or abstained from.

I totally agree however that there are aspects to our humanity where the man is called to conquer and win. And as men, we are called to conquer and win the hearts of our wives. Jesus shows us the way, he is the way, the truth and the life. He doesn’t win us over through subjugation and domineering. He wins us over by winning our hearts. He wins us over through his deep love and commitment to us. And within this context, we can learn some deep gospel truths from the movie 5o First Dates. The central character finds the the girl of his dreams. Who however has short term memory and cannot remember the previous day…and so each and every day, the guy who chases her, has to win her heart, every time. And he eventually does marry her, and each and every morning when she wakes up, he has to win her heart once again.

Guys, I truly believe that us men are meant to be conquerors. But let us do our conquering through love. Let our conquering be done through respect, commitment, patience, gentleness, kindness, mercy as well as Godly boldness. And through this, we shall conquer the hearts, the minds of those we love.

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About Craig Benno

I'm an average aussie guy who has lived perhaps a not so average life.
This entry was posted in sexuality and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Shooting straight. lets talk about sex.

  1. Fifty shades of Grey is pure porn for the ladies. It is very popular here at the library. I would not touch it with a forty foot barge pole. Definitely NOT Christian reading or edifying in any shape or form

  2. David McKay says:

    Craig, I am confident Doug Wilson would completely agree with your last paragraph. I think he is being misrepresented by the paragraph that was extracted from his article. Have you read his follow up comments?

    • Craig Benno says:

      Hi David.

      I did read it. However, the end sentence of that quote of his, shows clearly his thought patterns. He lays the blame of societal violence towards women on the shoulders of the Egalitarian movement.

      I also watched a video of him yesterday, where he clearly stated that he also believes in ‘ / supports state’ sanctioned slavery.

      His theology of sex has deep flaws in it. Obviously he has not read or engaged deeply with the Song of Songs where it begins with the woman initiating the encounter – which is something that he doesn’t believe in.

  3. Pingback: I felt sick when I read it… « The Parson's Patch

  4. Matt Anslow says:

    I think a questionable aspect of Wilson’s statement (I read it two days ago and have been thinking about it on and off since then) is the notion that “A man penetrates, conquers, colonizes, plants. A woman receives, surrenders, accepts.” This is, quite simply, a cultural construction. These sexual actions could be construed in other ways, and I would be interested to listen to perspectives from matriarchal cultures.

    Why is it not the case that a man is given permission, or that a woman allows? Why is “reception” or “acceptance” construed as surrender, submission or subjugation? Is it not the case that reception can be just as easily construed as mastery, power, hospitality, or any other such suggestions?

    Could it be that a man is consumed while the woman consumes? I could come up with more possibilities, but hopefully I have made my point.

    I am not saying that these ways of discussing the sexual act are good or bad – I am not making a moral claim – they are simply alternatives. Later in his work Wilson discusses the distorted nature of authority and submission in the sex act in the form of rape fantasies, that is, men wanting to rape women. However he does not allow the concept of female domination of men to enter this framework; this is a huge omission given how common such domination is (even if it is taboo).

    To me Wilson’s construal of sexual penetration screams of cultural construction, one that propagates the subjugation of women, albeit from a “Christian” viewpoint.

    • Craig Benno says:

      Well said Matt.

      I have been thinking more about this all day and am disturbed that he is laying the blame of rape / violence towards women, towards an Egalitarian society / church.

      However as you rightly point out, society is made up of many streams of brokenness. In Paul’s day there was a matriarchal society whom looked down on men… one that I am tempted to say still exists today,,,, oops, I did say it. 🙂

      Simply put, the Gospel speaks to all, for all, and its for all whom Christ is for.

  5. Pingback: the polluted sexuality of conquering « life.remixed

  6. David McKay says:

    Hi Craig. I think our friend Joe Fleener, an American who pastors a church in New Zealand, had some helpful things to say about this topic.

    • Craig Benno says:

      David, I thought I replied to this earlier. It must not have gone through.
      Excellent response. I really enjoyed reading that article. I have read and watched a few videos of Doug Wilson over the years and I really do struggle with him. Joe has nailed it as to why, and I enjoyed reading his 3 part series.

  7. terriergal says:

    I am sickened by this as well. I can’t think of a good reason why Wilson wrote what he wrote. I read his excellent and devastating review of Twilight which seems to be exactly the opposite of what he wrote now.

    Craig you wrote

    “He wins us over by winning our hearts. He wins us over through his deep love and commitment to us.”

    Two phrases ought to be held up here: Theology of glory vs theology of the cross. The Theology of the Cross is how Christians (both male and female) ‘conquer.’ (for lack of a better word)

    I thought Carl Trueman wrote an excellent summary of Luther’s Theology of the Cross here:
    http://www.opc.org/nh.html?article_id=2

    I would pick a nit – males and females are not equals in function. Perhaps you meant a different word? “Value?” Surely you did not mean that men and women don’t perform the same function..

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