I saw the specialist on Monday for my regular check up. Because I had had a particularly busy weekend I was feeling fairly shattered on Monday morning and was running late in arriving at the surgery.
One of the ongoing issues I face is that my muscles do not fully relax and therefore I can get the shakes and be constantly tired. I equate this to a simulation of making cocktails. Shaken, not stirred. When I go to bed of a night, instead of quietly relaxing and cooling down as is normal; I can suffer jerks as the muscles release their tension. To counteract this; I sometimes take a small dosage of valium which helps to calm the muscles down, though I haven’t used them for 2 months now.
Because of the shakes, I had problems getting my Medicare card out of my wallet and signing the slip. This time the doctor was there to see it happen by its self and not by her stimulating it to happen in the surgery. By shaking: I mean my right arm was uncontrollably flopping for about 6 – 10 seconds until it stopped.
Her response was “Craig, you have the symptoms of M.S, but the tests don’t show it.” I have had a tentative diagnosis of this before; but this time her words didn’t strike my heart with the fear that it has before. I quietly said at the time, “Lord, you know what’s going on, your in control and in you my soul will trust.” And when I got to the car I told the devil to get nicked that he wasn’t going to pull me down.
In 5 days time, it will be the 17th October..which will ear mark 4 years since I first collapsed at work. My journey over the last 4 years has been an interesting one: one filled with much strife and one filled with many blessings. And while recovery has been slow, it has been consistent. I don’t use the walking stick anymore and my short term memory has increased greatly. I have gone through the transition of thinking I had faith, to having no faith, to having real increased faith and trust in my Lord. And my health is overall improved 100 fold from where it was 4 years ago.
Therefore I continue to say: The Lord knows his plans for me, they are to prosper and not harm. To bring blessing and not curse and that he hears and sees my affliction and doesn’t turn his head away and ignores my prayers.