I have had my two sons the last eight nights during the school holiday period. This week we got up to various activities such as a pizza night, playing totem tennis, went to Ocean World at Manly and spent time on the trains and ferry. They helped us move some new furniture that arrived on Sunday morning and put up with my pulling a muscle in my lower back / hip region on the Monday which slowed me down a lot.
Since my boys were born I have consistently told them two things. They being that I love them and like them very much. Now they are 8 & 11 I still often tell them that, calling them to me, giving them a big hug and saying that I have something important to tell them. We have a bit of a tradition now where they often say back to me, Yeah yeah dad, we know, you love us and like us very much.
And I will reply back to them….And don’t you forget it.
Lately I have added a 3rd proposition to that statement. And that is, I am very proud of you.
So I now say to my two boys, Sons, I have three things I want to say to you that’s very important you know about me. And that is, Son, I love you and like you very much and I am very proud of you.
I take great pleasure in my boys. Last night after watching the Saints verses Rabbitoh’s (where my team lost by a narrow margin) the boys took great pleasure in stirring me about it. Overall it was great fun.
I like to think of myself as a man of passion. There are many things that I’m passionate about. Issues of justice and injustice, equality, the Gospel, spending time in the bush or fishing, travelling, cooking and wood working as well as vegie gardening to name but a few.
Passion can involve areas of love or hatred, extreme concern. I hate injustice of any kind. I love a good tear jerking story. I love sitting beside water or on a boat on the water. I love people. Yet people also can make me angry when I see what they can do to each other.
I have experienced a wide range of emotions, from deep joy, to deep sorrow, depression and laughter. I have gone through the emotions of grief from living with an abusive wife, to going through a painful divorce, to the joy of meeting a nice Godly woman and the joy of recently marrying this gorgeous woman.
Today I discovered I have a new emotion. It’s one that I’m thinking about, but have no real sense of it being right or wrong. It’s the emotion of indifference. You see today I dropped the boys back to their mum. She spoke to me and introduced herself to my new wife.
I didn’t care, nor did I speak to her. For the first time in over ten years I realised I wasn’t afraid of her. I felt like I had no emotion what so ever for her. There was no feeling of hatred. There was no feeling of like or love. I had no interest to talk to her, or even to acknowledge she was there. I felt indifferent. I feel indifferent. And I don’t feel guilty or that I’m wrong for feeling this way. Nor do I feel that I am right for feeling this way. I just don’t care either way.
Perhaps this is the warning Jesus gives the church at Ephesus in the book of Revelations about being neither hot or cold, but are luke warm. Perhaps luke warm means to be indifferent to the things of GOD?
It begs me to do some navel gazing. If I am able to feel indifferent in this situation, what other areas of life am I indifferent towards?